I've been living as a man for eight years. I knew from a very early age that there was something 'wrong', but it took me a while to work out what it was. I felt I was a boy, but everyone treated me as a girl because I didn't have a penis. As a result, throughout my childhood I went to sleep at night praying that I'd wake up in the morning with a penis and that everything would be fine.

By the time I got to puberty I realised that my body would develop in totally the wrong way, which was incredibly distressing. I'd always been mistaken for a boy, but as my body changed nobody ever thought I was a boy, which was horrendous. I went into massive denial and suppressed all my feelings by putting a lot of energy into sport, and academic stuff.

When I left school I thought the only way to make it all go away was to get married and have a child. Obviously it didn't. The relationship broke down when my son, James, was 18 months. I then went to university when I was 28, which I think was the first big opportunity I'd had to reinvent myself.

I cropped my hair and went as masculine as I could. I 'transitioned' straight away. Because I was brought up as a girl, most of my long-term friends are female. Between women there is more intimacy: they have 'toilet talks', for instance. Men are more abrupt. It isn't all about sport and sex, but the language and the interaction is abrupt and there is never any touch unless alcohol is involved.

Everyone in the office knows about my past - it's not been a problem. Sometimes people say 'that explains why you're not interested in football'. When I first transitioned, one of my colleagues told me that he hated football, but used to watch the news when there was a game so he could pick up the salient points and take part in the conversation. I got a lot of advice like that which was incredibly useful. It was something that would help me fit in.

I don't feel like I'm acting a role as a man, but I have become very aware that men don't make a lot of eye contact. Because of my conditioning I'm used to making eye contact and there are times when I have to remember to look away.

Having surgery was no problem at all, there was no decision-making involved. Any soul searching involved my son. He was eight and I was worried I would lose him and destroy our relationship. But I was getting very unstable and surgery was the only solution. Once the decision was made, it was a huge relief.

Today I still don't have a penis. My body scars so badly that if I had one it would just be a scar. But having a penis doesn't make you a man. I'm a man because I'm a man; I'm a man in my head and in my body. They say that men with small penises drive big cars. It's obviously why I drive a very small car - I have a very big penis in my head!

I have quite unusual chest scars where my breasts were removed. The only comment I've had was at a swimming pool when two boys asked if I'd been attacked by a shark. The only answer was 'yes'!

I've got a really good male body, especially my shoulders, upper chest and pecs. You put me on a beach and I'd have one of the best bodies there. Initially I felt nervous on the beach and at the pool because I didn't have the confidence, but once you realise that there are so many fat slobs out there, it's fine. I've got a little bit of sponge which I've shaped into a sort of phallus which just sits in the trunks - I wear speedos, you can't go fast in shorts. Changing isn't a problem either, you just get used to holding your towel in the right way.

Pub toilets are awful, they're at the level women's toilets were at about 20 to 30 years ago. I have a stand-and-pee device so I can wee standing up. Some people do use it at the urinal, but I haven't got the confidence, so I use it in the cubicle.

My son James was fantastic. He calls me Danny. He's called me by my Christian name since he was a child, and just changed names over a weekend. He was upset to start with and asked why I wanted to mess his life up. Then he said, 'If this is what you need to do, then this is what we'll do.' Whenever we went shopping he'd start pulling things out saying, 'You need this tie, you need this shirt,' and so on.

It hasn't proved a problem having two father figures. I'm his major parent and I always have been. I've changed externally, but our relationship is still the same. The last person I told my female name to was my partner, Sarah. We've been together for nearly four years. I've still got bits and pieces from the past around the house so she was going to find out at some point.

I don't tend to talk about my school days, but when I do I talk about them in a very genderless way: 'Someone at my school ... they did this.' It was a girls' school and we used to play lacrosse. Once someone said, 'That's strange, why did you play that?' and I said, 'It was a very forward-looking school!' Sometimes you have to think laterally.

There's the old adage: boys don't cry. One thing that has become very obvious to us female-to-male transexuals is that it is not conditioning that stops men from crying, it's hormones. Before I transitioned I was very lachrymose. I cried a lot and I thought it was because I was so screwed up inside. I learned the value of having a cry was a stress release. After about a year on hormones I realised that I couldn't cry. I believe testosterone suppresses some of your emotions. It's a strange thing not to be able to cry.

For me, the essence of masculinity is how you dress and present yourself. If you're confident enough in what you're wearing and can present yourself right, people will pick up on it.

Sarah says I'm the most normal man she's ever met.

· Dan Hooper, 42, is a civil engineer