What a sweat we have been in over Rosemary's leg. Having failed to rouse any interest at the local hospital, she at last accepted an offer of help from a wound clinic in the East End. What a fabulous alternative. A taxi collected her and brought her home, doctors spoke to her as if she were a proper grown-up, clear explanations were given along with cups of tea and sandwiches. Rosemary felt shell-shocked. She is used to being treated like a Soviet dissident prisoner when visiting hospitals.

The superb clinic advised her to avoid an operation and sent her home a happier woman. But not for a long. That afternoon, the hospital rang. She must come in at once for an operation. This threw poor Rosemary into a blue funk. Here was a hospital that had ignored her suppurating leg for months on end; now, suddenly, they must operate at once! Only yesterday they were suggesting antibiotics. Why the sudden change of plan? What had they discovered overnight? A superbug? A flesh-eating, hospital-based virus? The plague? Rosemary was ordered to go to hospital in the morning.

More shocks at dawn. Hospital admissions rang in a bate. Why was Rosemary not there already? A bed awaited her on Primrose Ward. "Your doctor will have told you about it," said Admissions. Ha ha. Wrong again. Rosemary's chum rang Primrose Ward to explain that Rosemary would be a little late.

"Is she a female?" asked the ward. Yes. Oh, bad luck. Only male beds were available. Then another surprise call, from the consultant himself. He was in a molten fury. Naughty Rosemary had complained to the chief executive and Consultant did not like being complained about by someone who had never seen him. But Rosemary had been begging for months to see him. She argued ferociously, and even owned up to having run off in search of a second opinion. Imagine Consultant's rage. He suggested that she take her custom elsewhere.

Rosemary, in her time, has trained medical staff in communication skills. She was shocked to find that Consultant didn't have any. But as she was almost fainting with pain, she had, in the end, to grovel a bit. She thanked Consultant for his offer and trailed up to hospital obediently. Now, after three months of pus and pain, she seems better. Let's not get too excited.