It's an attitude. I had to fly to the US the other day. This is going to sound so preachy and smug, but normally I would have drunk a couple of those small bottles of Chardonnay, eaten all the nuts on offer, snaffled bars of Toblerone, got bored, eaten some more nuts, scoffed an entire trayful of inedible sludge ("Chicken or steak, sir" - who can tell them apart?) and fallen asleep. Well, I didn't: I ate a salad, drank water, watched a movie, read the New Yorker from cover to cover, and was moved by Horowitz playing Schubert's Serenade in a recording made in his New York flat when he was over 80. It's an attitude.
Ten days into life with a personal trainer I feel transformed. I haven't lost any weight and I'm still struggling with tempting foods (PLEASE take that chocolate cake away), but people tell me I look better, I certainly feel better, and I've convinced myself that my stomach is marginally less shapeless than previously.
What I am undoubtedly feeling is mentally more organised: I have more energy - except immediately after each of my thrice-weekly workouts - and more mental focus. I am in control, empowered, ready to take on the world.
I've found that reducing alcohol and cutting out the snacks (eaten out of boredom rather than hunger) is easy; I'm still addicted to sweet tea and occasional biscuits, and I'm not really counting the calories. If the weight doesn't start to reduce, I will have to be stricter with myself.
The exercise has been great. I spend 10 minutes on a walking machine that simulates cross- country skiing (no problem); 10 minutes running on a treadmill (enjoyable - my heart rate shoots up worryingly before it stabilises) and six minutes on a bike (very dull). We'll also be moving on to the rowing machine. All these are designed to get the heart working and improve stamina levels, but I will also need to do some running outside the gym.
The other half of each one-hour session is spent on weights. Each time, we use four sets of equipment designed to build up different muscles: biceps, triceps, pecs, quads, abs, delts, traps, rhomboids and lots of other muscles I didn't know I had.
By far the toughest is the machine where I have to lift myself up using two bars: this cruel contraption is clearly designed to show how ridiculously heavy the user is. If you can simultaneously increase your muscle tissue and reduce your body weight, this becomes a cinch. At the moment it is purgatory.
The only mistake I've made so far was seeing the movie American Beauty, in which Kevin Spacey plays a dysfunctional 42-year-old (the age is cruel!) whose mid-life crisis takes the form of lusting after his daughter's best friend and working out like a maniac to impress her. It all ends in blood, sweat and tears (not necessarily in that order). Why are you doing it, someone asks the Spacey character - to increase strength or stamina? To look good naked, he replies with admirable candour. My motives are of course far less crudely physical: I want to be a productive worker, a good citizen, a well-rounded (metaphorically speaking) human being; I'm not doing this for me, but for mankind.
My first report produced a lot of reasonably good-natured abuse from friends and colleagues, and two letters. The first, from the head of leisure services at Fenland District Council, told me that if an investment of £600-plus a month on a personal trainer became too much, I could join a Fenland leisure centre for £28. Well worth considering, although I have become rather hooked on my trainer Sam's psychological support. (He says some of his clients pour out their emotional problems to him - so far, thankfully, I have resisted that. One hour just wouldn't be long enough.)
The other letter took me to task for referring vaguely to five pieces of fruit. "Does one plum count as a piece? And how many grapes?" demanded my correspondent. Just for the record: one piece of fruit includes a whole apple, banana or pear, or a cupful of grapes or something similar. The same correspondent thought two litres of water a day impossible and said I must have to get up throughout the night. Well, I haven't been measuring the quantity precisely, but I have been drinking a great deal more water, without so far having my sleep disturbed. I am drinking a lot during the intensive one-hour exercise session, and making sure I drink cups of water throughout the day in our hot, unhealthily dehydrated office. It's really a question of substituting water for tea, coffee, cola and booze, so the overall quantity of liquid is not much changed.
I am keen to be a bit of a force for collective change, so I asked Sam for some healthy tips that everyone can follow. You see, he's your personal trainer, too. Here goes:
1 Reduce fat intake to 20% of your total calories. Cut down the fatty foods - fried foods, chips and cakes.
2 Eat more fruit and veg.
3 Eat natural foods rather than processed foods, which are filled with sugar, salt and chemicals.
4 Drink lots of water and cut down on tea and, especially, coffee. Drink two cups of coffee a day, max. (My gym is right next to a Starbucks with a comfy armchair and this is proving a bit of a problem; my motto at the moment appears to be better latte than never. Sorry, Sam.)
5 Do a minimum of 20 minutes of cardio-vascular exercise three times a week - running, biking, rowing, walking at a pace fast enough to get your heart rate up (don't overdo it though, especially at first).
6 Exercise will also reduce stress: a brisk 30-minute walk will do you a lot of good mentally and physically. (Apparently, it produces endorphins in the brain, and that is good for you.)
7 Try weight training at home: cans of beans can make perfect dumb-bells (but don't drop one of the family-sized cans on your foot).
8 Try some push-ups (extremely hard work) and squats.
9 Do regular stretching exercises - hamstrings, calves, chest, shoulder blades.
10 Swim regularly - good cardio-vascular exercise and, since it isn't weight-bearing or impactive, excellent for people with sore joints.
I'd like to add one more tip. Make some time for yourself, turn off the lights, sit alone in a darkened room and put on a CD of Horowitz playing Schubert or Chopin. There, you feel better already.
• Stephen Moss is working out at Matt Roberts at One, a health club at 1 Aldwych, London WC2 (tel: 0171 300 0600).
