R is now using the pregnancy as an excuse to drink

I am angry that even R's addiction has not drowned my love for him, and the possible love for a future child together

‘Out of all my pregnancies, this is the biggest surprise’

I'm certain I don't want another baby, but I can't help thinking that if we were in a more stable relationship being pregnant would be something to celebrate

I give R an ultimatum: ‘It’s the drink or me’

There. It's been said. But within seconds, this certainty is replaced with a queasy sensation: I'll have to stick to my guns

Asperger’s, agoraphobia and depression are destroying my life and my marriage

I cannot leave the house or talk to anyone. It is unbearable and I don't know what to do

R’s confessions are a blessing and a curse

In a sense, when R relapsed recently, so did I. I started to forget myself and the family – now I am becoming increasingly distant

Will R and I ever enjoy a party again?

As we chat, I realise how enjoyable the beer is. With each sip, I feel better, looser, less self-conscious. I am very much aware right now of how hard it must be for R

37 thoughts on turning 37

Sophie Heawood: Not a landmark birthday, it's true, but a good enough time to take stock of one's life so far …

Can we trust R after so many years of drink-fuelled lies?

Can we trust R after so many years of drink-fuelled lies?

It’s hard to be sick when you’re single

Ruth Pitt was successful and single with a grownup family. But when serious illness struck, she struggled to cope without the support of a 'significant other'

R is drinking again

My husband is away on a climbing break ... Actually, it turns out he's been holed up by himself in a pub for hours, getting drunk